You have a new partner, and they have friends you have not met. Things are moving along nicely, when you ask said new partner if you can meet their awesome friends. Their answer? “I don’t think that is a good idea, they don’t like you much.”
If your partners close friends have an opinion of you (especially a bad one) and you’ve never met them, the only way they’re getting information is from your partner. This means that while you’re not present your partner has nothing or very little good to say about you.
This type of person is prone to playing both sides against the fence. It gets them more attention, and it’s a good bet they are also the kind of person who isn’t happy unless there is some kind of turmoil in their life.
This is the kind of friend or partner who will let everyone know what you are “Doing wrong” except for you.
2. The Shrine Maker
You’ve had a new partner for all of three weeks when they tell you, that they want you to tattoo, brand, or permanently mark them in some way to show their devotion to you. They make dolls out of your loose hair, and keep your toenail clippings. Okay that example is a bit extreme, but you get the point.
There is a good chance that this person is highly co-dependent. When you end things with them, it’s not just ending a relationship. You end their world. Trust me when I say that it will be better the sooner you get out.
People whose moods swing far up, can swing just as far down. When this person realizes that you are no longer interested in them there is a good chance their love and devotion will turn to, “A raging fire that knows no rest.”
Some of you are wondering, “What is so bad about that kind of devotion in a submissive?” Devotion is fine, it’s when the devotion turns to obsession that it becomes trouble. Should things end even on a good note you could end up being known as the person who caused someone to be permanently scarred inside or out. This may not be the best thing to have circulating in the rumor mill. True, sometimes it’s unavoidable, but try not to get involved with the crazy.
Not to mention other forms of backlash. People like this don’t let go easily and some will take an, “If I can’t have you then no one can”, attitude and will do their best to make things as miserable for you as possible.
3. The Mooch
You’ve been dating your partner for a while, but you start to notice that they always seem to get you to foot the bill. There is some excuse for why they can’t help out with the dinner tab. A sick grandmother, an unexpected car expense. Whatever the reason, you’re shelling out the greenbacks right and left, but always in a way that is made to seem perfectly reasonable. You want to help your new found love after all, right?
Never mind that it sucks for your pocketbook.There is a good chance this person, is not looking for a partner but someone to take care of them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Dominant or Submissive there is a personality type that is just looking for someone to do everything for them.
Soon you will find yourself babysitting their children, cleaning, and paying for everything, but hey! Maybe, “That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, you like it.” If not, cut your losses and run.
4. The Bear Poker
Your new flame is great, good looking, outgoing, there’s just one teeny, tiny thing. As time goes on they begin to nitpick everything you do. Apologizing, ignoring, or asking them to stop the badgering behavior just makes it worse. They keep coming at you, like some kind of buzzard after your dessicated emotional carcase.
At first you think that maybe they are submissive, or a bottom and are asking for play. Though when you try to engage in play they get pissed off and tell you that you have, “Crossed a line.”
This person has learned that they can hide behind the social mindset that as long as they are not yelling or hitting you it isn’t abuse. That they can quietly or passively push and push comfortable in the knowledge that a lot of people won’t retaliate or respond because they are afraid that they may end up looking like the abuser instead of the abused.
This IS a form of mental and emotional abuse, even if it is very subtle, it’s very real. Run away before you lose your cool, or start accepting this kind of bad behavior.
5. Every-one’s Best Friend
Your new partner seems to know everyone! It’s really cool to be with someone so connected. The strange thing is, the people they say “Hi” to always seem a little confused. Still they ask their friends for the “Hook-up” all the time. You notice they get into clubs for a discounted rate and that they use their “friends” employee discount regularly, often driving out of their way to visit stores these “friends” work at.
If this is the way that person behaves towards their “Friends” do you really think you are getting a better deal? Why is this person interested in you anyhow? Is it because they really like you? or is it because they believe that you are going to get them somewhere. This behavior can also become resented by the “friends” causing friction in and out of the relationship.
6. Classic, “Whatever you want baby”
Your partner really loves you and asks for so very little. That’s because you always seem to do what they want. In fact when you consider making a choice you are always trying to guess what they want you to do.
We are not talking about the submissive mindset of wanting to please your Dominant. Were talking about even when you ask a straightforward question “Do you want me to wear the red dress or the blue dress tonight?” It is not met with a straight answer. It’s met with “Do whatever makes you happy baby.” and you know that this really means. “Read my mind and do what I want you to do, and if you don’t I will passively punish you for it latter.”
It’s abuse, especially to a submissive personality, who is more than happy to do what you would like them to do. No one can read minds and if someone is punishing you for your inability to do so, then you should find someone who doesn’t.
7. All Show, no go.
Your new partner is super excited about having such a hottie in their lives, they quickly start snapping photos of you and post them all over their facebook they change their status to in a relationship and everything seems to be going well.
Then Friday nights start to roll around and you notice that your partner is going out a lot. Without you. When you call them on it, they always have a very Innocent reason why you were not invited.
You have to ask yourself what in the world this person is hiding? It could be that they are afraid that you will find something bigger and better than them and they are trying to keep you away from prying eyes. Even if it does happen to be the reason, it’s bad behavior, it screams insecurity. If this person doesn’t think they’re good enough for you, perhaps they are not. Or maybe they have something else on the side, like another person, or maybe they are a drug dealer.
The likelihood that they are skipping out on you because they are Batman and need to save the world is highly unlikely, and if that is the case, I am so coming to steal your man!
8. The Anger Banger
Your partner is a rather happy person and you are getting along just fine. Then you notice that their upswings are met with some real anger problems. Sure everyone gets angry sometimes but your partner seems to be taking it out on everything. He beats the dog, destroys his possessions and you start to feel like you are walking on eggshells.
This person could just be very expressive in their anger. No big deal, as a matter of fact most people think it’s healthy, but the big red flag is beating the pet. If someone has the capacity to abuse a pet there is a good chance that they will turn to you. It’s a matter of time. This personality will also be aggressive to family members, and friends.
9. The Crier aka The World Ender
Your partner comes home from a long day at school it’s midterms and they had a big test today. When they walk into the room they burst out into tears. “I got a B instead of an A, I have to drop the whole semester!” and then they do.
This is the person whose life is always in the worst turmoil ever. They don’t just cry over spilled milk they cry over the tiny drop of Milk that missed the glass. Most of their lives are spent in a state of perpetual panic over just about everything. They are so emotionally unstable that the smallest things get blown out of proportion. For example, having to drink tap water over bottled water is simply going to be the death of them.
World Enders are notorious for misery loves company. They have to draw you into their constant state of panic and emotional distress. Somehow the ability to get you as worked up over their plight as they are empowers them.
10. The Nuclear Reactor.
You are out with your partner, everyone is having a good time, when your partner spills beer into their lap and everyone laughs. There is even a comment about pant peeing.
Your partner immediately starts screaming at everyone, then they demand that you go home. Once home they de-friend everyone at the party who was laughing. Then they toss up a very pissed off blog about what douchebags your friends are, and start to make you promise never to see them again.
This person has a knack for losing Friends. Their inability to take the little disasters in stride and to laugh at themselves causes constant turmoil. Even if you don’t mind putting up with it, there is an excellent chance that others won’t want to.
11. The Corner Painter
Your Partner has to go to the doctor, they know that you have a very important meeting at work and if you miss it, it could seriously damage your career. Your partner wants you to take them to the doctor and can’t understand why you can’t shuffle your affairs to do so.
“Im sick and I need to go to the doctor,” they say. “I don’t feel good enough to drive myself and I don’t trust anyone else to take me. So if you don’t drive me I just won’t go.”
Obviously you can’t take them, but they have created a situation where no matter what you do you will be the bad guy/girl.
You can never win with this type of person. This is the one that creates a dammed if you do or damned if you don’t situation. They paint you into a corner so that you have to do what they want you to do or end up looking like a jackass.
This type of person will have you feeling like the shittiest human on the planet in no time at all. They excel at guilting people into doing things. It is highly likely that you could even start to believe the you really are the bad guy/girl.
Bearing all of this in mind, and understanding that these are extreme examples, it’s important to remember that if you are not healthy mentally as well as physically you are probably not in a good place to take on a relationship. So surround yourself with happy healthy people. If one of these personalities sounds like it could be you. Do what you can to recognize, change, and improve yourself.
Eolais, Tuisceana, Neart
(Knowledge, Understanding, Strength)